The college believes in preparing students, faculty, staff and parents with the tools needed to be informed and aware of situations. We may know someone who has been in a difficult situation and wondered how we could help (bystander intervention). We may have encountered a situation ourselves and want to be more prepared next time (Know your IX's)
If you have questions, please feel free to reach out to the Monika Robertson, Title IX Coordinator or a trusted person on campus to know more.
How you express what you’re thinking and feeling, either with your words, body language, or attitude is very important. A healthy relationship needs open and honest communication in order to be successful!
Being able to admit you’re wrong sometimes is essential to a healthy relationship. It’s really important to accept responsibility for the things you do or have done in the past.
Being supportive of the goals and dreams each other have is a good thing! It’s also important to support your partner’s right to their feelings and opinions.
Being able to do what you’d like to do and supporting/being supportive of your partner doing the same!
Making important decisions together and making sure both of you have equal responsibilities at maintaining things within the relationship!
As you’re getting to know one another better, you will discuss your dreams and aspirations. Communicate honestly about money to see if your financial goals align.
NEGOTIATION AND FAIRNESS
Being able to compromise and willing to accept change so that both of you can be happy with the outcome!
Just making sure your communication is positive and there is no worry of safety within the relationship.
Stalking is a behavioral pattern that can include physical, psychological, sexual, economic, and emotional abuse, perpetrated by a person. Stalking can happen directly, indirectly or through a third party. Stalking can include, but is not limited to:
- Following subject wherever they go
- Sending unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails
- Monitoring subjects computer/phone use
- Driving or hanging out at your home, school, or work
- Threatening to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets
- Spreading rumors or posting information about you on the internet, in a common place, or by word of mouth
- Any behavior that seeks to control, intimidate, or coerce subject
The content of the following video may spark strong feelings. Please feel free to watch with a friend or reach out to the Counseling Center if you would like to talk.
Bystanders are people who witness or see a specific action or event, but aren’t the direct actors in that event. Bystander intervention, or being an active bystander, is part of being a member of the Roberts community. We all have an important role in preventing sexual violence when we are confronted with problematic situations. See PDF.
Being an active bystander can include:
- Speaking out against statements, attitudes, or behavior that may perpetuate a culture endorsing violence as acceptable or inevitable
- Naming and stopping situations that could lead to sexual assault
- Stepping in during a high-risk incident, whether by disruption, distraction, speaking up, or even calling for help so others can step in.
- Supporting and believing others when they feel uncomfortable or hurt
- Helping others respond to problematic situations
Being an active bystander does not mean that you should risk your personal safety, or that you need to become a vigilante. There are a range of actions that are appropriate, depending on you and the risky situation at hand. Remember, if you are ever worried for the immediate safety of yourself or others, you can decide to leave the situation and seek outside help – that’s still bystander intervention!
"No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance." - Title IX, Education Amendments of 1972
Title IX is a civil right that prohibits sex discrimination in education.
- Title Ix applies to all students regardless of gender identity.
- Schools may not retaliate against someone filing a complaint ad must keep complainants safe from other retaliatory harassment.
- Schools should ensure that no student has to share campus spaces with their abuser.
- Schools must be proactive in ensuring that their campus is free from sex discrimination.
- Schools must have a procedure for handling complaints of sexual harassment and violence.
- Schools cannot discourage you from continuing your education.
- All schools receiving federal funding, including public K-12 schools and a majority of colleges. are subject to Title IX.
- Schools can issue no-contact directives to prevent alleged perpetrators from approaching or interacting with you.
- Clear- It's expressed through words or actions that create mutually understandable permission. Consent is NEVER implied, and the absence of a no is not a yes. Silence is not consent. "I'm not sure, " "I don't know," "Maybe" and similar phrases are NOT consent.
- Coherent- Someone who cannot make rational, reasonable decisions because they lack the capacity to understand the "who, what, when, where, why, or how" of the situation cannot consent. People who are asleep, incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or in another vulnerable position cannot consent.
- Willing- Consent is not obtained through psychological or emotional manipulation. Consent cannot be obtained through physical violence or threat. Someone in an unbalanced power situation (i.e. someone under your authority) cannot consent.
- Ongoing- Consent must be granted every time. Consent must be obtained at each step of physical intimacy. If someone consents to one sexual activity, she or he may or may not be willing to go further.
Know your sexual intentions and limits and communicate them clearly.
You have the right to say “no” to any unwanted sexual contact. If you say “no,” say it like you mean it. Back up your words with your body language. If you are uncertain about what you want, ask your partner to respect your feelings. Be careful to not give mixed messages.
Remember that your partner cannot read your mind.
Be verbal and say what you are feeling. Tell the person you are with how far you want to go, what you want and don’t want to do, and when you want to stop.
Remember that some people think that drinking heavily, wearing certain clothing, or agreeing to be alone with them indicates a willingness to have sex.
Be especially careful to communicate your limits and intentions clearly in such situations.
Trust your “gut” feelings.
If you start to feel uncomfortable or unsafe in a situation, listen to your feelings and act on them. Get yourself out of the situation as soon as possible. Call for help.
Ask for help or “make a scene” if you feel threatened.
If you are being pressured or forced into sexual activity against your will, let the other person know how you feel and get out of the situation, even if it’s awkward and even if you embarrass the other person or hurt his/her feelings.
Be especially careful in situations involving the use of drugs or alcohol.
Drugs and alcohol can make you less aware of danger signs and less able to communicate clearly. Be especially aware when you are in a new situation or with people that you don’t know well. You need to be able to make good decisions to protect yourself from sexual assault.
“Get involved” if someone else might be in trouble.
If you see someone who could be about to commit rape or become a victim, help the person who may get hurt. Become an engaged bystander and stop the rape from occurring.
Go to parties or clubs with friends you can trust and agree to “look out” for one another.
At parties where there is drinking or drugs, appoint a “designated sober person,” one friend who won’t drink or partake of drugs and who will look out for the others in the group by regularly checking on them. Leave parties with people you know. Leaving alone or with someone you don’t know very well can lead to rape.
Listen carefully to the person you are with in sexual situations.
If your partner says “no” to sexual contact, or their body language tells you they are unsure or unwilling, stop. If your partner was willing at first, but now doesn’t want to go any further, stop. If you think you are getting a “mixed message,” or you are not sure what your partner wants, don’t use threats or force. Stop.
Ask your partner what she or he wants.
Don’t assume you know what another person wants. For example, don’t automatically assume that just because a person gets drunk or agrees to be alone with you, they want to have sex. Don’t assume that just because someone has had sex with you before, she or he is willing to have sex with you again. And don’t assume that when a partner consents to kissing or other sexual touching, she or he is willing to have sexual intercourse.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS- If you feel unsafe, go with your gut. Don’t worry about what others think; safety comes first.
USE YOUR CELL PHONE- Make sure it’s charged before you leave home and coordinate with a friend if you need to text him or her for a “friend-assist.” Also, make a plan in case your phone dies, so you can meet up with your friends at a familiar location at a certain time.
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS- If you feel unsafe, go with your gut. Don’t worry about what others think; safety comes first.
WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO EARN YOUR TRUST- Don’t assume people you don’t know well will look out for your best interests.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO HURT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS- If you find yourself in an unsafe situation, it’s okay to lie. It’s better to make up a reason to leave than to stay in a possibly dangerous situation.
IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING!- Intervene if you see a situation that seems risky to someone’s safety. By stepping up, you can possibly prevent a crime. Also, don’t be afraid to call Pace University Safety and Security. Reporting something to the Office of Safety and Security does not mean you have to file a police report.
BE RESPONSIBLE AND KNOW YOUR LIMITS- If you’ve decided to drink, don’t accept drinks from people who you don’t know or trust. Don’t leave a drink unattended. If you have left your drink alone, get a new one. Always watch your drink being prepared. At parties, stick to drinks you got or prepared yourself instead of common open containers like punch bowls.
STICK WITH YOUR FRIENDS- Arrive at events together, check in with one another throughout, and leave together. Think twice about going off alone and if, for whatever reason, you have to separate from your friends, let them know where you are going and who you are with.
BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS- Whether you’re walking home from the library or at a party, be mindful of potential risks. Get to know the campus and neighborhood and learn well-lit walking or driving routes. Think of a safe exit strategy.
The first step to helping people who have been sexually assaulted is to believe them, listen carefully to them and provide support. Your friend has taken an important step in seeking help and your response to his/her disclosure may determine the next step for your friend.
Although there is no universal reaction to being sexually assaulted, many victims feel guilty, often blaming themselves instead of the perpetrator. Victims sometimes feel they could or should have done something differently that would have prevented the assault. Other common feelings include fear, embarrassment and confusion. It is important that as a friend, you understand that a sexual assault is something which they had no control over happening to them. Simply telling your friends that is was not their fault can help to alleviate some of the confusion and overwhelming emotions they may be experiencing. These feelings, along with denial may be why it takes days, weeks, months or years for the victim to tell anyone.
Note: If you are going through a potentially dangerous breakup and you need help now, seek expert help. Call Campus Safety, 911 or Resident Director.
There are so many emotions we experience when considering and finally going through a breakup. It can be confusing dealing with the heartache, disappointment and a flood of memories.
The basics of handling rejection or a breakup:
- Lean on your support system: Let those you trust know that your relationship has ended and don’t be afraid to reach out to them if you need someone to talk to. If you feel that’s not enough support, consider reaching out to a counselor who can help you process your feelings.
- Don’t spend too much time scrolling: It’s tempting, but put down your phone. Social media may show us a world in which everyone is living their best life, but that isn’t reality and it can make you feel worse in the wake of a breakup . . . especially if you want to see what your ex is up to.
- Trust your gut. There doesn’t have to be a big fight or betrayal to end your relationship. Take time to consider what you need and trust your gut! It’s ok to end something that isn’t working for you, no matter what the reason.
- You are not stuck: You may worry that you will never find “the one” and be tempted to stay in a relationship that isn’t working, especially if you live in a small town. Despite this feeling, know that if you aren’t happy, it’s time to consider a break.
Advice on rejection and breakups
- How to know when it’s time to break up
- Telling your loved ones the truth about your unhealthy relationship
- How to Bounce back from a breakup